Domestic household funny quotes

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Domestic

"Bother", said Pooh, as received his telephone bill.

4 food groups: fast, frozen, microwaved, and junk

A flying saucer is caused when a nudist spills his coffee.

A little nookie never hurt anyone!

A lot of money is tainted. It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine.

Aquarium: Interactive TV for cats

Are those cookies made with real Girl Scouts?

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back

Children: Pure love contained in soft packages.

Conciousness: That annoying time between naps

Don't drink and park, accidents cause people

Filthy, Stinking, Rich -- Well, two out of three ain't bad

Hardness of the butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread

I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian

I have 2:40 airconditioning in my car; 2 windows down at 40mph.

I may not always be perfect, but I'm always me.

I'm in shape -- round's a shape, isn't it?

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.

Is there life before coffee?

It ain't the size, it's ... no, it's the size.

It's dangerous to be right when the government is wrong. -Voltaire-

Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener

No sense in being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

Smile. People will wonder what you've been up to.

This message was brought to you with the aid of 100% recycled electrons

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles

Visa, Visa, Viso -> I shopped, I shopped, I ran out of cash.

Women like silent men, they think they're listening.

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition

You've let the lawn go too far when it requires harvesting.

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