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Quotes
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Punns and funny one liners
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumour.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Clones are people two.
Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.
Every calendar's days are numbered
Feet Smell? Nose Run? Hey, you're upside down!
Flash Gordon exposed himself to all sorts of danger.
FLATTERY: telling a person exactly what he thinks of himself.
Ghosts are merely unsubstantiated roomers.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a pre-frontal lobotomy!
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
In nuclear warfare all men are cremated equal.
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
My mind is like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Scotty! Beam me aboard! Aye sir! Will a 2x4 do?
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at
large.
Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd
dye.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
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